My limbs have been stretched, my playlist is set, my wireless headphones are on and up. I hit ‘start’ on my Nike Running App with one hand and start a timer on my FitBit with the other, each of those precious steps must be logged. As my evening run begins, I feel so optimistic, so full of life, maybe even a little proud for getting out there and doing the damn thing. I round my first street corner and that’s when I realize, my thighs have eaten my shorts…
Now I know what you’re thinking, “she’s exaggerating”, “maybe she’s fat”, “maybe she bought shorts that are too small”. No, none of that; I simply have an athletic body frame that includes THIGHS! And to be super clear, I’m proud of my thighs. Thighs are made up of quadricep femoris muscles and I have been building those babies with every squat, lunge and step-up.
But now that you at least see the problem (maybe you can relate), I would like to offer a solution, well, a suggestion. I have purchased some of the top brands in the biz (on my own dime) and put them through rigorous testing (ok maybe just a mile or two, but in my world I can tell by fake jogging in the dressing room if the shorts will work or not). So here are my findings and my favorites…
From top left to right:
- Women’s Champion Marathon Running Shorts: 4 Stars
I know this brand might not be on the top of the cool list but for me these shorts rock. All black, small butt pocket, slit sides… everything you need for a smooth run. The only reason I did’t give it that 5th star– (TMI) once they got super sweaty, my thighs did try to eat these shorts.
- Women’s adidas Ultimate Knit Running Shorts: 0 Stars
This is a prime example of purchasing something for looks versus function. Super cute looks, terrible fit. I ordered my standard medium size (per the size chart on the website) and they just didn’t fit. The waist was fine but the leg holes of the shorts were baggy and way off. My thighs ate these shorts walking around my bedroom. These never even made it to a run and are heading back to the store.
- Nike Women’s 2.5” Epic Run Boyshorts: 4 Stars
A good friend of mine once said, “The shorts are gonna end up “up-there” anyways, might as well start out that way on purpose.” Not everyone loves spandex, I actually do. I really like the snug fit and if they ride a little, no one knows the difference, with a 3″ inseam they are already pretty short as is. Run was good, wicking was good, hot pink is good… only thing not to love is a tiny bit of see through. It’s not a full butt crack view but the shorts do tell a few of your secrets if you know what I mean. If you are a panty-less runner, these might be your new best friend.
- Women’s adidas Climalite Grete Mesh Running Shorts: 2 Stars
These were very similar in the waist to the other Adidas shorts I reviewed but the leg holes were much smaller and MUCH shorter. Like I mentioned before, I am all about a short-short but with little to no slit on the side, these shorts were eaten immediately as well. Didn’t even make it to the run before putting these in the ‘back to the store’ pile. Why the 2 stars then, you ask? IF and I mean IF I were looking for shorts just to cruise around my house in… these would take the cake. Super comfy “chill” shorts.
- Nike Women’s Run Speed Running Shorts: 5 Stars
I tried so hard not to choose Nike (no offense Nike) as the victor based on price point alone. While I don’t mind paying more for a better product… $50- $80 is a ridiculous price for running shorts IMO. I got these on sale from Dicks Sporting Goods and I had a coupon so I don’t feel too too bad. Anyways, these were the best shorts for me. I loved the vented, high-slit side for airflow, the pockets were very useful and the reflective elements really make me feel fancy on an evening run. The inseam is a bit shorter so you do get that “already up-there” feel at first, but after a half a mile or so you kind of forget they are there. Hence the 5 star rating.
- Asics Illusion Printed Double-Layer Running Shorts: 1 Star
So this is a short I have had for a while and wanted to review because I want to love it so bad. I love the idea of that spandex short layer underneath; if I want to wear it to do leg lifts at the gym or something. The design is what caught my eye, I love anything funky and geometric but I can tell you after a year of trying to love it, I just don’t. The top layer isn’t too bad, its airy enough and the stretchy waist band feels nice, but its the spandex undershorts that really annoy me. Every step they move 2 inches up and I am fairly sure a passerby would think I’m about to fall over because I am trying to reach my hand up my leg to pull my shorts out from under my shorts LOL. So again, I will leave these shorts in the “chill” pile and go start saving up for my next pair of Nike running shorts, cha-ching.
*None of these photos were taken by me, they belong to their associated vendors.
These posts are 100% based on my opinion and if you have made it through my ramblings, I just want to say thank you for reading. If you enjoyed this type of article and would like to see more review-style pieces, please be sure to speak up. This blog will be featuring a ton of different topics and I would love to know what YOU are interested in. Wishing you all an amazing rest of your week and a big adieu from my thighs to yours!